When I resigned from my office job in March 2018, I decided to have a long trip around Europe and Asia where I heal myself. It's a healing process from depression, anxiety, bitterness and other wounds. These illnesses accumulated within me throughout long years of living and working in Dubai.
For few years, before my resignation, I was stuck in a loop where I'm not growing and not being well.
I wanted in my journey to work on well being, and that led me to different places where I met all kinds of people with wounded souls.
I met people between 18 years old and 91 years old. I talked with monks, with fighters, with ex prisoners, with single mothers, with single fathers, with disappointed youngsters, with seekers of truth, with healers, with psychologists, with scientists, with people who got poisoned, with men who their grandparents were part of nazi army and with people who their parents faught against the Nazis or were prisoners in auschwitz. Men and women who were abused by their families or governments. People who stopped believing in governments and decided to build their own tribes.
The common thing between all these people was healing their scars.
To heal myself, I went to the mountains, to underground clubs, to forests, to small villages that are away from civilization, to abandoned places, to cemeteries around Europe, to Buddhist and hindu temples and Christian churches.
In order to heal my soul, I travelled into the unknown. I was letting go of everything that I believed in, and to learn again, to love others after years of having grudges and bitterness towards "the others".
I found out that I'm not the only one. Life leaves scars on the body, the mind and speech. These scars have the ability to shape us in different ways. They can be a source of bitterness and isolation. They can be source of our weaknesses. They can take us down. They can transform us to "victims", and this is the most dangerous thing. Especially that the mainstream culture encourage everyone to be a "victim".
The political correctness tells us that we're victims and we have to blame a group of people for this. And it tells us that we can use this victimhood as a card that we play whenever we feel like it.
The mentality of victimhood is dangerous for many reasons.
As if we're the only one who have struggles in life.
It stops us from doing the work of healing, and We get stuck in a loop where we repeat our patterns without going forward in life. Being a "victim" will prevent us from growing.
First step in the healing process is to understand how others (family, belief systems, schools, governments, corporations etc..) participated in Our wounds. We have to recognize what all these structures did to us and understand what each institution did to us in different ways.
There is a big difference between understanding what these institutions did to us and only blaming them whenever we're in pain. Getting stuck in blaming will lead us nowhere. When we understand their role with a perception of not being a victim, then the healing process will start.
Process of healing
Music and dancing: The music played a crucial role in my healing process. In the last 3 years, I got more into techno music and started to go to techno parties whenever I can, and I listen to music wherever I can: at home, in the car, at the office, ect. This music led me to hidden places within my mind. Every time I dance, I was going to the universe within, to deal with the wounds that accumulated throughout the years. I think we already born with a scare: the scare of separation from the mother. Then, we start to collect these scars along the way.
Techno led me to industrial clubs in Berlin where I spent a month of dancing, and to an abandoned basement in Warsaw and other places. The more I danced, the more I healed.
Later on, the psychedelic music was part of this process. It started in January with Atman Festival in Sri Lanka, then parties in Goa, South India.
In this year of traveling, I was following the music. The bass was in the background. Many of my wounds were healed. The music was reshaping my mind and my speech. I'm not saying that this is the only music that can heal you. Everyone will find a different kind of music that will heal their wounds.
Mountains and forests: during the 15 months of traveling, I spent 3 months in small cities in Europe, but the rest of my traveling, I were in villages away from civilization. I was going to forests and mountains where I spend most of my time. Nature is not only the medicine to the body and mind. Nature is our first home. When I go there, I just take off my shoes and let it be. Within this year, I went in a three weeks expedition to Makalu Base camp in Himalaya with 2 German friends I met in my trip in Nepal. This expedition had a big role in my healing process. I was in the mountains with no distractions of technology and people. It was a grounding experience. The mountains will share its wisdom and take away the pain. They heal the wounds and tell that no matter what life will go on. They tell that holding onto old wounds will only lead to more suffering and that it's fine to be wounded, but the most important thing is to let go of pain.
One of the places that healed me was Phewa lake in Pokhara in Nepal. For long weeks, I was sitting around that great lake and just watch life with the eye of a witness. I could sense how the lake was washing away the wounds with its own stillness.
Later, in parvati valley in Himachal Pradesh in north India, I spent a month with few friends where we stayed around forests, mountains and waterfalls. The fairy forest was a magical place. This forest shared its wisdom and healed a lot of my major wounds.
Meditation and temples: in 2007, it was my first time where I stepped into a Buddhist temple in Thailand. Then, in 2009, my dear friend taught me the meditation and since then I do meditate on a regular basis.
Since that time meditation helped me to cope with everyday life and major issues that I was facing from time to time. I do consider meditation as one the greatest technologies and tools in our history. Meditation keeps me sane for years. It was leading me to dark places within.
In June 2019, I participated in a Buddhist retreat in north India. It was a combination of Buddha's teachings and meditation sessions. This retreat was a gateway for more healing, to go deeper and deeper in memories. One of my future plans is to go in a silent meditation retreat (vipassana and similar retreats) at least once per year. This kind of retreats is to cleanse and reorganize the mind and get rid of unwanted baggage.
I was getting to the deepest and wounded places within, one time Through music which manifested in dancing and movement, and other times through meditation which manifested in stillness. Movement and stillness, and in between I was recovering from my mental illnesses and healing the wounds.
Gratitude as healing: gratitude as a value in our daily life will have a big impact on us and the way we deal with ourselves, the reality and the universe.
Being grateful to where we are today and what we have will change the way we deal with our wounds. Instead of seeing them as a source of weakness, they'll be a source of learning and growing.
Family and friends: the family and friends have a major role in my healing process. Sometimes, they are a reflection of our inner process, and other times, they are a reference of progress. With friends, you laugh, you live, and you grow.
The deep connections with the friends help us to heal and to face the challenges that we're going through.
A friend being there for you means that you can share your story and experiences with them. To share your deepest fears without fear, and without being judged. To be able to tell about your wounds, and have a mutual understanding for a lot of things.
No matter where you are, no matter who you are, as long as you're living this life, you'll end up suffering and getting wounded because this is part of life. You can't avoid them, but it's up to you how you want to deal with them. You either consider yourself a "victim" or you see them an opportunity for your own growth on different levels.
You either whine that "life is not fair" or you see your struggle is a lesson to learn and go forward in your journey. You either accumulate grudges towards life and hate it or you see life as a tough teacher that's preparing you for deeper experiences where you're ready to explore different aspects of it. You either identify yourself with these wounds or you see them as events that are crucial in order to know your true self. It's up to you where you want to stand.
The healing process is not a one- time shot. It's an ongoing process where we always do introspection and go inward to reflect and let go.
To heal ourselves, we have to breathe, to dance, to be in nature, to accept the struggle, to be grateful, to laugh, to meditate, to be playful, to be with family and friends, to have compassion towards others, to be honest with ourselves and others.